It's been a whole year since I last blogged and I realise, suddenly, that I'm one of those people that's old enough to be saying things like, 'Where does the time go?'.
But really - where does it go?
In the last year I've had the privilege of travelling often with my job and naturally, with that comes (for me) an inability to really do anything else well.
Things like keeping our house tidy, or responding to emails within a decent time-frame - I just... can't.
The other day, I washed a ton of my clothes with a bright red lipstick in the pocket of my jeans (that was a very bad day) - plus, I've lost a LOT of stuff this week. The desktop on my laptop is full to overflowing and that's a fairly accurate indication of where my mind is at... that perhaps my life isn't very balanced at this moment in time.
I'm either a fantastic wife with a spotless house, or I'm a mess that hasn't washed her hair in a week but is totally NAILING that business game. I'm never both on the same day.
I'm not complaining, of course. I can unequivocally say I'm doing my best - and I know that's all that really matters.
It'd be easy just to write a blog post about how dreamy it is to travel with work (which would be true) but that's only half of the story. That's what this whole social media obsessed world is. HALF. If you're comparing your life to strangers on the internet, remember that highlights are only highlights.
If it helps - think of me on the sofa writing this blog right now with greasy hair, no-makeup, a bright orange Clemson jumper and red polka dot shorts - just hoping no one shows up at the door today (SRSLY - no one's hash-tagging this mess with #OOTD).
That's the other half of the story. And - you're welcome.
I don't know if I'm alone in having this weird love-hate relationship with my iphone. It really depends on the day, and where my head is at. I feel like I'm always delicately balanced between a deep appreciation for how much of the world that has been opened up to me, and wanting to throw it off a cliff and never speak of it again.
I LOVE that Instagram provides us with the ability to escape the mundane - you can travel the world in a moment and get inspired by some of the world's most beautiful and creative people. That's truly wonderful.
But on the wrong day? When you're acutely aware that life is made up of 90% average - that's tough. When you come home from the trip of a lifetime and life goes back to normal - yeah... that's tough too. When you look in the mirror and you don't see 'beautiful' - yep. That feeling is real. When you're out with friends and you're the only one that's not on your phone - it SUCKS. Where did our ability to engage in real & meaningful conversation go?
We live in a day and age where the world is at our fingertips but I'm working on being satisfied and grateful for every moment in between. Present when I'm with my friends and seeing the world through my eyes and not through my screen.
So maybe that's why it's been a year.
I'm navigating an amazing, weird, confusing deep season in my life where I'm discovering what I want my life to be. So no... I haven't taken many photos of my travels - and in fact, I haven't even used my camera outside of 'work'. But maybe I can tell you all about it sometime.
We all have our 'in-between'. The unattractive, not-so-photogenic parts of day-to-day living. And that's okay. But just know that you're doing enough.
The pressure that you feel to be trying harder, doing more, seeing more - to be more beautiful, or more successful, or that sinking feeling you feel when miss 'absolute perfection' posts another bikini shot in Bali riding a freaking elephant #nofilter - I guarantee you that she's not that skinny, not that brown, and the sea's not that blue. If you keep comparing your ordinary to the edited highlights of those strangers on instagram - you're going to feel crap. It'll steal your joy, & rob your confidence.
You better know that no one has the right to make you feel like you're not enough. Join me, and give yourself a freaking break. You're amazing and I can't tell you just how 'enough' you are.